Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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