Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
