Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
