Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
