I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
