I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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