So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
