still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
