dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
