I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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