I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
