I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
