a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
