i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
