6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
