Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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