ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
