I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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