Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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