Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
