yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
