Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
