I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
