Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
