you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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