my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
