I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
