I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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