I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
