I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Randomize
