had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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