my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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