I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
