I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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