He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
