Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Mom said you looked used
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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