Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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