Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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