sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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