I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
