I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
