Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
