HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
