ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
