I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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