Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
