i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
