Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
