Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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