dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
