i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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