I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
