I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
