absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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