we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
