He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
