hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
