can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
