i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
