Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
