Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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