I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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