I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
