what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize