Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
