I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
