My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
