i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
