You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
40s are totally the cure
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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