so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
