Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
