Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
