meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
